Numb
by Rhyianna Merquise
Summary: Vaughn, post The Unveiling
1. Numb

Numb

Summary: Vaughn, post Unveiled.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Please don't sue me!! Please!

AN: Why is it that TPTB keep giving me episodes where Vaughn can run straight into Sydney's arms at the end? Oh well…

Thanks to all who reviewed, I heart you! – Rhyianna

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Caught in the undertones

Every second I waste is more than I can take

I become so numb, I can't feel you there

I become so tired, so much more aware…

I have no idea how long I stood staring at that suitcase. Time seemed to stop. Literally, stop. 

This is not fucking happening. I am not Jack Bristow; she is not Irina Derevko. And this is not happening. 

I had my suspicions, but I passed them off as the seeds of doubt sewn by Sydney and Jack. But Jack had been right…Syd had been right. 

I blinked once, hard, and scrubbed my hands down my face. Maybe when I opened them I'd realize that I was imagining things. That there was no way Lauren was a traitor. 

No such luck, however. 

Somewhere inside, the CIA agent wanted to see what else was in that suitcase. That part of me seemed to be more in control than I was, so I let it take over gratefully. 

Hands that did not seem like mine pushed the black wig aside and examined the weapon. The one she had used to kill Cypher. 

Jesus Fucking Christ. I wanted to vomit.

The gun was moved aside. Passport. Too many places she said she had never been. Too many dates that matched missions I had been on. 

I heard movement from the bathroom. As quickly and as quietly as I could, I replaced her costume and shoved the suitcase back into the closet. Grasping furiously for my control, I managed to face Lauren with a somewhat normal look. 

She looked back with concern. "Michael? Is something wrong? You look flushed." 

No, nothing's wrong. I just found out who you are, you sick bitch. "I, uh… I feel kind of jumpy. I think I might go for a drive, you know, see if I can relax. It's been a pretty crazy week." 

She smiled compassionately. "Of course, love."

I twisted my face into what might have been a smile. It must have been passable, because she says nothing.

"You don't have to wait up, I'll probably be a while," I said, thinking that 'a while' meant 'forever'. 

No complaints. Which means she'll probably be on the phone to Sark within five minutes of my departure. 

"Be careful, darling," she says, always the concerned wife, before kissing my cheek. 

I repressed the shudder that wanted to run down my spine. 

Fifteen minutes later, I had managed to master myself enough to get into my car and drive to the one place where I could maybe wrap my head around things a little more. 

Sydney's. 

I knocked on her door. The night didn't seem real. I almost expected to wake up. Almost.

When she opened the door, I think she felt the same way. 

"Hi," she said, sounding confused. 

"Hi," I reply, glad that my voice is staying steady. "Can I, uh, come in? I just… I need to talk to you…" 

She immediately looked concerned. "Of course," she says, stepping back so I can enter. 

Her apartment. I look around vaguely. This is not what I remember. This is not where I picture her living. 

"Vaughn?" I turn back to her. "Are you okay?" 

I run a hand through my hair. "I don't think so." I paused. "No. No, I am not okay. Can I sit down?" 

She nodded, looking genuinely frightened. I dropped to her couch, a fist pressed over my mouth, silent for a moment. She reached for my hand and I take it, grateful for something that I can touch, something that's real. 

I looked up, meeting her wide eyes. "You were right." 

She looks puzzled. "Right about what?" 

I swallowed. "Lauren." I let it sink in for a moment. Telling Sydney, telling anyone, made it real. "I…Jack told me what Irina used to do, the signs he had ignored. After he said that, I began to notice things. I couldn't help it." 

Sydney looked like she was beginning to comprehend. Looked like she knew what I was going to tell her. 

"I told myself I was being paranoid. I went through her things… and I found a wig. A black one, with red streaks. And a gun. And a passport." 

Sydney's lips were parted slightly. I saw surprise in her expression and…sorrow. Sorrow for me. I let go of her, and buried my face in my hands. A moment later I felt her move closer to me, felt her hands running up and down my back. 

"Syd? I think I might be sick," I confessed. 

I have no memory of her directing me to her bathroom. All I remember is when I re-entered her living room, she was getting off the phone. 

I was glad she knew what to do, because I sure as hell didn't. 

"That was my father. He's on his way. So is Weiss," she said, studying my face. 

I nodded once before dropping back to the couch and resting my head in her lap. In that moment, I didn't care that it was probably inappropriate. Didn't care that I was married. Didn't care that Jack would kill me if he walked in now. I needed this. I needed her. 

We sat there in silence for five minutes, Sydney's fingers running through my hair, before Weiss knocked twice and entered. 

He took us in, then his eyes widened. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realize that Syd had probably told Weiss about her suspicions. 

Weiss opened his mouth, but Sydney cut him off. "Let's wait for my father." 

He nodded, then walked to the kitchen, reappearing a minute later with a glass in his hand, which he sat down in front of me. 

"You look like you need one, Mike," he said. 

I almost smiled. "I need, like, fifty of these." 

There was a second knock on the door then. I forced myself to lift my head from Sydney's lap, knowing it was Jack. 

As soon as he entered, he knew. He even looked…sympathetic. 

"What did you find?" 

There was never any bull shit with Jack. "A wig, a gun and a passport. The wig was what Sydney saw her in, the gun was what Cypher was killed with, and the passport has dates that match up with missions that involved the Covenant." 

Jack nodded. "Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to call Dixon. Authorities will be notified and put in place. Then Dixon will call an emergency staffing. Ms. Reed will be apprehended then." 

I let out a breath. So, it would be over that soon. I reached for the drink Weiss had given me and downed it. 

Forty-five minutes later, I sat at the staff table, waiting for Lauren to walk in. She did. She couldn't see the guards until she was fully in the room. By then it was too late. 

I closed my eyes when she turned to look at me. Reaching out blindly, I found Sydney's hand and grasped it as tight as I could. 

It was over in about five minutes. It seemed like five hours. Dixon told me to go home, he could get a statement tomorrow. I nodded absently. I heard him tell Sydney to take care of me. 

She did.

I didn't go home that night. Syd drove me back to her place where I promptly flopped face down onto her couch. It hadn't been fifteen seconds before I felt her kneeling beside me, her hands trying to soothe me. 

I looked up at her after a moment. I don't know what she saw in my face, but whatever it was, it made her eyes well up with tears. 

Tired of thinking anymore, I pulled her on to the couch with me. Resting my head on her chest, some of the numbness that had enveloped me since I opened that suitcase seemed to dissipate. I closed my eyes then, knowing she wouldn't leave me.

Things became more real after that. I could feel again. I felt her heart beat, I felt her breathe, felt her brush kisses on the top of my head. Felt myself plant a kiss on her neck. Felt her arms tighten around me. 

I felt… hopeful. Maybe things would be okay. 

Maybe. 


	2. Bent

****

Bent

Summary: Companion to 'Numb'.

Rating: PG-13

AN: This happens because I am a slave to the majority. (Later: And because this didn't happen last night, goddamnit) Thanks for reviewing!

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If I fall along the way

Pick me up and dust me off

If I get too tired to make it

Be my breath so I can walk 

If I need some other love then

Give me more then I can stand

When my smile gets old and faded

Wait around, I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated

Just hold me and then

Just hold me again

I woke up in darkness, the haze of sleep clouding my thoughts and vision, vaguely aware of arms wrapped around me. It took a moment for the events of the night to hit me. 

Lauren. 

Things were coming back now. Lauren. The suitcase. Dixon's 'briefing' at the CIA. Then falling into Sydney. 

The arms around me shifted slightly. She was waking. 

I raised my head off of its pillow of her chest and searched for her face in the darkness. I saw dark eyes opening slowing, unsure of what was happening. I think I smiled. 

"Hi," I said. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes in response. The childish gesture, one I remember from two years ago, pulled at my heart. 

"How are you?" she asked, as the memories of the night return. 

I shook my head. "I'm not sure. You?" 

She smiled slightly. "Well, I'm sleeping on the couch with my shoes on." 

I took in her appearance. She was still dressed in her work clothes, high heels still on. Come to that, I still had my shoes on too. 

"We can fix that, though," I said, disentangling myself from her and standing up. She followed for a moment, but had to take over the lead as I realized that I had no idea where her room was. 

A few moments later, I stripped off my shirt and jeans and flopped onto her bed. She followed suite, changing into her typical sleepwear: a tank top and shorts. Neither one of us were very concerned about the inappropriately of all this. 

As soon as she slid under the covers, I reached out for her, hands sliding over soft skin as I pulled her close. Syd shifted so that we were laying how we were on her couch; my head pillowed on her chest, an arm splayed across her stomach, both of her arms wrapped around me. 

She felt so different from Lauren, who was all softness and curves. Syd had curves, yes, but there was more hardness, more muscle. I absently let my fingers graze across her abdomen, tracing abstract patterns across her flesh. At the same time, I pressed my lips to the hollow in her throat, her neck, her collarbone. 

She let me, running her fingers through my hair. My lips worked their way upward, to her jaw, her chin and then to her lips. I kissed her as gently as I could, as softly as I could and felt her lips respond under mine. I began to slowly move my lips against hers, coaxing her to open her mouth. As soon as I accomplished my goal, the kiss deepened and I felt her hands tighten in my hair. 

In a moment, though, she pulled back. She wanted to be sure I wasn't doing this just because of the events that had happened tonight. I knew I wasn't, but I wouldn't push. This was enough. 

I smiled at her before dropping a kiss on the tip of her nose. She smiled in return and I rolled to my back, pulling her to my side. 

We lay in contented silence for an undefined period of time. The only thought in my mind was that this is right. This is how it should be. 

"Vaughn?" The soft murmur brought me gently back to a pleasant reality. 

"Mmm?" 

"I can hear your heart." 

If I wasn't in love with her, I would have been then. But as it stood, she owned me, heart and soul. God, I so loved this woman. I bent my head slightly and kissed the crown of her head. 

"Things are going to be alright for us, Syd," I said, truly believing it. 

I could feel her smile. "I know." 

She closed her eyes then and her body relaxed. For me, there was nothing in this world that could have come close to this moment. As her deep breathing put me to sleep, I was…happy. 

Hysterical screams and crying woke me, hours later. Sydney had pulled away from me and was fighting her invisible demons.

As I tried to wake her, a horrible thought entered my head. How many times has she woken from dreams like this, alone? 

I'm distracted from this vein of thinking when her eyes fly open and she sits bolt upright, breathing erratic as she grappled with the hysterical sobs that were fighting their way to the surface. I reach for her and the moment I put my arms around her, she screams and tries to pull away. I won't let her go that easily though. 

"Syd! Shh… it's me, Sydney," I whisper, trying to calm her. "Shh, baby. It's alright." Realizing who was holding her, Syd turned around and threw herself into my arms. 

I do my best to comfort her, to ease the shaking and the tears that dampen my shoulder. Eventually, the crying stops and I lay her down so she's facing me. The tear tracks that mar her cheeks break my heart. 

"You alright?" This seems hardly adequate, but it's the best I can do. 

She puts on her 'brave face'. "I'm fine. This happens a lot. I haven't slept through the night since I got back." 

To know this hurts me, to know that she has had to cope with nightmares like this with no one to comfort her. To know that I should have been the one to be beside her. I brushed a stray tendril of hair away from her face and kissed her temple softly. 

Her façade was cracking. I saw her lip tremble again. 

"Stay with me?" she requests as a tear slides down her cheek; I kiss it away. 

"I will never leave you." I meant every word I said.

Her eyes close again and she slides closer to me, resting her head against my arm. 

I woke for the third time to find that the sun had risen and that Sydney was engulfed in a golden light. Things felt perfect. 

Eyelids began to flutter and I smiled, a truly happy smile, as dark eyes looked up at me. 

"Good morning," she whispered softly, stretching like a cat. 

"Best one I've had in a long time," I murmur, pulling her back to me. She complies, wrapping her arms around me. 

She's warm and soft and she smells good and _God_, I do not want to get up and go to work. Go face the problems that make up my life. I buried my face in her hair. 

Before long, I can feel soft lips brushing my neck. I lift my head and try to steal a kiss, but she pulls away, wrinkling her nose. 

"Morning breath," she says, as way of explanation.

The innocence of this makes me content in a way I haven't been in over two years. 

"Whatever you say, Syd." 

She smiles in triumph before nestling back into my arms. This was definitely something I intended to get used to. Again. 

"I love you," I whisper, brushing wayward strands of hair away from her face. 

She smiled again, a smile full of hope and happiness and devotion… and love. Her lips parted, but I pressed a finger to them. 

"I know, Syd. I've always known." Her smile grew. 

I couldn't help myself then. Ignoring her (not very strong) protests, I leaned down and kissed her. She hesitated for a moment before deciding to chance the dreaded morning breath and kiss me back. 

So this was what it was like to feel alive again. This was what it was like to be unbroken. This was what it was like to have your soul healed. 

It was kind of nice. 


End file.
